Speaking to Elijah

The other day I was trying to be a good home school mom and got out a paint set for the boys to do - one of those sets of plastic "window catchers" with the little jars of paints that are all attached to each other. Pretty sure they've been around 50 million years. I had them when I was little.

AND when I was little, I quickly learned that those little paint pots are hard to open and close. So, as the boys were finishing up, I went outside to do laundry and yelled behind me as I left: "Don't try to close the paints, Elijah! Just leave them on the counter."

Switch the laundry. Curse the stupid washing machine that is ten years old and hanging onto life by a thread.

Hear screams....

Guess who tried to close the paints himself?

Elijah, my hard-headed child, covered in orange paint in my kitchen.

I yelled and scolded and all the good mom stuff... he was wearing brand new shorts with orange all over them. The table was covered in orange drops (that, while I was trying to rescue the shorts, dried and permanently stained the wood) The tile was streaked with orange - which thankfully came right off. He cried and was sufficiently upset and repentant.

Later, after a bath and we had all calmed down and tried again to clean the table, Elijah and I sat and talked. The conversation covered topics such as obeying and listening and not being so hard-headed. :) I brought up my own experiences trying to close the paints when I was little and spilling paint all over myself....

But then I said,

"Elijah, I am older than you and I know a lot more than you do. You are still learning. When I tell you to do something and you don't understand it, you still have to obey and you have to trust that I know why I am telling you to do something."

And at that very moment, it was as if the Lord said to me,

"Emily, I am older than you and I know a lot more than you do. You are still learning. When I tell you to do something that you don't understand, you still have to obey Me and you have to trust that I know why I am telling you to do something."

I know it may seem like I am a pro on obeying the Lord just because I live in the land of millions of mosquitoes and no Starbucks. But the truth is that when the Lord says "Love her even though she's difficult" or "Forgive him even when he offends you repeatedly" or "Serve them even when you are tired...." Wow, hard things to obey and so often I choose to ignore Him and do things my own way... often with disastrous results. Very thankful the Lord is more gracious and patient with me than I am with my own little paint-spillers!

24 hours

The past 24 hours have been a blur...

• This time last night our landlord’s wife came to our house and asked Brant to help take her sick husband to the hospital in the next biggest town, 30 minutes away. Despite the fact that we were in the middle of dinner and 2 of the boys are sick, we were excited to have an oppotunity to build relationships with them and help them out. Brant jumped up, showered, changed, got the car cleaned out, and grabbed coffee for what we thought would be a long night and went to knock on their door... only to find out the house all locked up and dark... they had decided to call a taxi.

• We were furious - how dare they change plans without even bothering to tell us? Until we realized that perhaps Brant had taken too long in getting ready.... and in their Asian mind-set, a person would never come out and say “no” to a request for help.... he just would find a “polite” way to get out of it.... so basically Brant had turned them down when they asked for a help... in a very “polite” yet insulting way.

• Sleepless night... what had started as an opportunity to build relationships has turned very bad fast.

• This morning - I am exhausted and trying to get the boys breakfast when we hear screaming bloody murder outside. Run outside... our neighbor (different neighbor - 2 houses away) was outside sweeping her porch and fell over dead. Screaming, wailing, horribleness for hours by her family. Funeral preparations begin right away.

• Our landlord and his wife spent the whole day avoiding all contact with us... Brant came home from shopping this morning and they got up off their front porch, went inside and closed the door and windows without so much as glancing at him. Later the wife came out, saw us, turned around and went right back in.

• We spend the day with 2 sick, fussy boys, trying to figure out what to do with our landlord and his family and what to do for our neighbors... the daughter of the lady who died is a good friend of mine and teaches the boys’ Bible class here in the neighborhood.

• Tried to get Elijah’s room set up to homeschool. Went and taught my class at the school and tried to wade through piles of dishes and laundry when all I really wanted to do is sleep.

• Made a new Indonesian dish for dinner tonight - soto ayam, or a type of “layered” chicken soup made with lemongrass. It’s my favorite dish, but have never been brave enough to make it. Wasn’t the day to try a new recipe, but had already planned to make it today, didn’t have anything else on hand. It turned out SO good. Will make it for you next time we’re back in the States! :) Nice bright spot in the day. :)

• Got the kids in bed by 6:30. Praising the Lord they went to sleep right away. Praising the Lord that the funeral got postponed til tomorrow. Praising the Lord that our landlord did come out this evening and talk to Brant and Brant got to explain his side of the story and apologize for whatever cultural cues we obviously missed. Who knows if things are actually patched over?

• Taking tylenol and going to bed. Praying that the thunder that’s rolling in will not turn into a huge storm and wake the boys. Gotta love missionary life sometimes. :)

Jesus was a tukang kayu

This afternoon the boys and I went to the weekly kid's Bible class in our neighborhood. The teacher, a young mom who lives up the hill from us, varies widely each week in her doctrine and some days I'm very thankful that the boys don't pick up much from the lessons! But today I was really challenged by what she said...

She was talking about the Great Commission and how we all should play a part in sharing the Gospel. She said "Jesus didn't go to university or have a lot of money... he was a tukang kayu.... a wood worker... And the people he gave that commandment to weren't rich or smart or well-educated or have powerful positions or jobs.... they were orang biasa... ordinary people."

I looked around the room at the crowd of little brown and black faces with no shoes on... they were definitely ordinary kids from ordinary homes. Their parents are not rich and are not well educated. Not a single one has running water in his home and many don't even have electricity. They don't get enough to eat and take their baths in the river every day; many have never even travelled to the "big city" half an hour from us.... ordinary people in this society.

Our neighbor is a wood worker... he works barefooted out in the sun all day with rudimentary tools - he makes a living, but would never be considered rich. His job doesn't command respect from the powerful people in this society - the government leaders and the church leaders - rich from corruption and disdainful of the ordinary people.

It struck me that Christ was born into the same life... He probably didn't get enough nutritious food to eat. He didn't live in the nice house in the neighborhood. His parents probably worried about money or what would happen if one of their children should get sick... Christ worked a trade that would provide enough food to survive, but would never lead to a life of ease and comfort. It was not a glamorous job and certainly not the type of job that would be a natural stair step into the position of religious leader of all time....

But how amazing that Christ was Who He was.... and that centuries later little ordinary Asian kids could look to Christ and know that He was accessible to them... that He didn't just come to the rich and powerful and that you don't have to be rich and powerful to be a servant of Christ. It almost made me cry praising the Lord for His wisdom in choosing such a life style that would resonate so deeply with so many ordinary people.

I put a lot of faith in my college and missions training... years and years of schooling, so that I will be a good missionary. :) But Christ calls these ordinary children to do the same job that I am doing and equips them through the Holy Spirit to be effective servants... with or without a college degree, new shoes and running water... He Himself didn't have those things either.

A few of my favorite things

I have been accused of being a negative person. As my dad would say, "I'm not pessimistic, just realistic." (I always hated when he said that.) Maybe this blog is a bit on the "realistic" side; but I use it to work through all my thoughts and issues and areas where the Lord is working on me... Life here is not easy and there are lots of "issues and areas of growth" that come out in the process of living here. :) But I have been thinking about it lately and know that I need to choose to focus on those things that are "true, honorable, right, pure and lovely..."

So, in honor of trying to not always be so negative, here's a list of my favorite things about life as a missionary in a malaria-ridden 3rd world country on the edge of the earth, 1500 miles from the nearest Starbucks. :)

- Papaya! I never knew such a great fruit existed; if we ever returned to the US permanently, I think we would all starve to death... my boys (particularly Ezra) live on the stuff. In addition to papaya, fresh pineapple - we have tons growing in our front yard; 50 million types of bananas; fresh spices and coffee, fresh fish, coconut.... you name it, there are definitely some great culinary advantages to living on the equator. :)

- Beaches... we do not publish many pictures of the beaches here.... I think our support would drop drastically if we did. :) There are the beautiful, empty, tropical beaches that people in the States pay thousands upon thousands of dollars to go vacation at... beautiful clear water; snorkeling like on "Finding Nemo"... starfish so brightly colored they look fake.... Of course, I won't talk about the lack of bathrooms and the horrible roads to get to them (don't want you to get too jealous, plus am just being positive!)

- Great spas and restaurants... this one is a little harder here - on our previous island, there were restaurants and spas that literally looked like they came out of some palace on "Anna and the King" We could go get a facial, full body massage, hair treatment, etc - for less than $10 at a place that looked like it should charge $250 an hour in the States. Restaurants served grilled salmon or feta and basil stuffed chicken for $5. Here, we don't have as many nice places like that... but it's nice to know that they still exist in country if we ever need a vacation. :)

- All the new skills I've learned... being fluent in another language, driving a motorcycle, lighting a cigarette lighter, washing laundry by hand, making tons of food from scratch and cooking "ethnic food" :) ...things I would have never learned in the States.

- Great family time... Brant's schedule is so much more flexible here than if he had a 9-5 type job in the States; and it's definitely been a benefit for our family. If one of them needs a little extra dad time, he can go along to the airport or storeroom or hardware store or one of the myriad of places Brant goes in a day to shop. If I'm sick or loosing it with the kids, Brant can usually come right home and take over... sometimes I forget how great it is for our family that he is around so much.

- Being able to live here... I will confess that as we got ready to come over here the first time, (3 years ago today!!!) I was scared to death with this thought "Am I really going to be able to live in another country as a missionary?" I didn't know if I would be able to handle it... and yet here I am! :) There is a huge sense of accomplishment knowing that I can survive - and even thrive - here. Not taking credit though - God has given so much grace through a lot of really hard spots, and we have so many people praying for us and encouraging us - couldn't be here on my own, that's for sure.

- Seeing God's grace in so many real ways in my life... This is by far my favorite thing about the type of lifestyle we live... we have seen God work and provide for us and give grace in ways we never had before. Moving into another culture strips all your comforts and familiar routines - even going to the grocery store requires a lot of prayer some days! :) God has taken us through so much these past 3+ years and though we have had a lot of really rough spots, the lessons I've learned and the ways I have seen God work have been worth every tear. We have seen God provide financially, work circumstances out in ways we'd never imagine, give strength in really tough spots... just amazing stuff; and it has been very refining in the process. :)

Disappointed

We got a crummy email last night... from the MK school Elijah is enrolled in for kindergarten here in town. Due to a shortage of staff and visa issues, they are going to cut kinder from a half day program to just 3 hours a day. And due to financial issues, they are going to have to RAISE prices, despite the shortened program. MK schools in 3rd world countries don't have to follow logical courses of action like cutting prices if you cut a program....

Today I went in and talked with the principal. To make matters worse, the class is going to be an afternoon kinder... classes going from 12-3 pm. Elijah still has rest time every day... he still needs rest time every day. And, to compensate for the shortened program, they are cutting out all the "specials" - no classes like music, art, Indonesian, computer, library, etc etc.

I was so disappointed. One of the main reasons we were putting Elijah into school was the "extra" activities like computer and art... he would have loved those classes. I'm not as concerned about the academics - it's a very laid back academic atmosphere - they learn their ABCs and some basic reading, all of which Elijah has mastered already. So do I want to pay more to send my kid to a class where he'll "learn" his ABCs but not have any "fun" classes?

The other little issue is I am again teaching a class at the high school - from 11-12 each day. Now that we've moved a bit out of town, that would involve multiple, long trips to the school each day, which would involve carting the little kids around when they're supposed to be napping or serious re-arranging of Brant's already full schedule.

So today just praying for wisdom. Elijah was so excited about going to school. Brant's mom had already put together a package of fun school supplies and "treats" to take as snacks. We had ordered a "cool" backpack online and she was going to mail it to us... I wanted him to have a school experience... he will be so disappointed if he doesn't get to go.

What do we do?

Hurt

This morning at the international church I had a friend say something that really hurt my feelings. I had asked if we could get her son and Elijah together to play and she said no because she didn't want to have to deal with Elijah if he threw a fit. I was crushed partly because I know Elijah loves playing with her son, and partly because implied in the statement is that I'm a crummy mom and can't raise my kid right so that he can interact with other kids his own age.

Elijah does throw fits - we're not quite sure if he has a temper or just a really pronounced sense of right and wrong - we're leaning towards the second theory - if something in his little world is "wrong" he just screams and cries like the world is coming to an end. And yes, we realize he can't go through life like that, but at five, he's still learning to put his feelings into words and crying and screaming is the easiest default. We're working with him a ton, but it's going to be one of those long life lessons he's going to have to work through....

But where is the grace between friends that they acknowledge your (or your kids') weaknesses and accept you where you are? Last summer (a year ago!) her kids and Elijah were playing together and Elijah threw a horrible fit... she still references it... and on days like today I can't help but wonder if he will graduate from high school as "the kid who throws horrible fits" in her eyes.

My reaction today - other than crying all afternoon - is to just close up and shut her out and say "well, I guess we're not really friends" ...but is that the right reaction? First of all, we work together in the same mission - so we see each other a lot and have to work together. My other reactions range from saying "well, yeah, but your kid destroys everything in sight and every time he comes over to our house something gets broken - so ha, he's not perfect either!" to writing mean text messages saying "jerk" and other hurtful things that good missionaries are not supposed to say. :)

Probably what my friend meant to say is that Elijah is still a little too young and immature to handle play dates by himself - he still needs to have me around. Even though her son is the same age, he's the youngest of 4 and is used to playing with older kids; Elijah is the oldest and is used to having younger kids around.... I understand that.

Now granted, she didn't say that, and she probably didn't realize that her thoughtless comment would put me in tears all afternoon.

I am stopped with the thought that perhaps I have sent friends home in tears over some off-handed comment that I made at one point or another... comments that perhaps had a bit of truth behind them, but maybe didn't come across as I thought they would... or comments that I meant as innocent and yet were heard through a mother's heart that can be sensitive when we she struggles daily to raise her kids in a way that pleases the Lord.... I wonder how many people I have hurt like that unintentionally?

So I think my response to this whole situation is not to write off our friendship or yell at Elijah for always throwing fits, but to turn this hurt over to the Lord and to pray for my friend that she would learn grace... and that I would not be discouraged when Elijah throws his next fit, but patiently, prayerfully love him and point him to Jesus.

Hard job, being a mom. I can look around at other families and say "wow, those kids are great - that mom is doing a great job" and feel crummy about my own efforts.... but I could find other families and say "at least I'm doing a better job than she is" ....it's easy to do. So I think the main thing I want to get from all this is that I want to be very careful with my words and attitudes around other moms.... I pray that I would be an encouragement to them and build them up, trusting they are doing the best they can with the children (and their unique personalities!) that God gave them.

As I was leaving church today, another friend stopped me and said "Wow, your kids do so great being quiet in church - I wish mine were like that." Took a bit of the hurt away... but just a bit.

PS

In my other ramblings in my mind as of late, I have decided that I need to focus on the positives and ENJOY where God has us... I know it probably comes across in this blog that I am a really negative, struggling person but it's mainly because I use this blog to work out my thoughts and rants. :) But, in deciding to enjoy life and count my blessings (including the 3 little ones running around my house!) I have started a new blog.

3nakallittleboys.blogspot.com

This is a "safe" blog... meaning anyone can see it - so I don't care if you pass on the address to whomever; I keep it real, but positive. :) Also, while I use the boys' names, I try to be really careful not to mention anything real important - like our location or last name, etc. So please don't list the address in some public place with "These are our friends the Blythes in Indonesia" written next to it. :)

And I don't have the blogs linked... and I don't think there's any way to get from one to the other.... let me know if you see some loophole I've missed. Not wanting every grandmother and in-law to think I'm crazy reading this blog! :)