A few of my favorite things

I have been accused of being a negative person. As my dad would say, "I'm not pessimistic, just realistic." (I always hated when he said that.) Maybe this blog is a bit on the "realistic" side; but I use it to work through all my thoughts and issues and areas where the Lord is working on me... Life here is not easy and there are lots of "issues and areas of growth" that come out in the process of living here. :) But I have been thinking about it lately and know that I need to choose to focus on those things that are "true, honorable, right, pure and lovely..."

So, in honor of trying to not always be so negative, here's a list of my favorite things about life as a missionary in a malaria-ridden 3rd world country on the edge of the earth, 1500 miles from the nearest Starbucks. :)

- Papaya! I never knew such a great fruit existed; if we ever returned to the US permanently, I think we would all starve to death... my boys (particularly Ezra) live on the stuff. In addition to papaya, fresh pineapple - we have tons growing in our front yard; 50 million types of bananas; fresh spices and coffee, fresh fish, coconut.... you name it, there are definitely some great culinary advantages to living on the equator. :)

- Beaches... we do not publish many pictures of the beaches here.... I think our support would drop drastically if we did. :) There are the beautiful, empty, tropical beaches that people in the States pay thousands upon thousands of dollars to go vacation at... beautiful clear water; snorkeling like on "Finding Nemo"... starfish so brightly colored they look fake.... Of course, I won't talk about the lack of bathrooms and the horrible roads to get to them (don't want you to get too jealous, plus am just being positive!)

- Great spas and restaurants... this one is a little harder here - on our previous island, there were restaurants and spas that literally looked like they came out of some palace on "Anna and the King" We could go get a facial, full body massage, hair treatment, etc - for less than $10 at a place that looked like it should charge $250 an hour in the States. Restaurants served grilled salmon or feta and basil stuffed chicken for $5. Here, we don't have as many nice places like that... but it's nice to know that they still exist in country if we ever need a vacation. :)

- All the new skills I've learned... being fluent in another language, driving a motorcycle, lighting a cigarette lighter, washing laundry by hand, making tons of food from scratch and cooking "ethnic food" :) ...things I would have never learned in the States.

- Great family time... Brant's schedule is so much more flexible here than if he had a 9-5 type job in the States; and it's definitely been a benefit for our family. If one of them needs a little extra dad time, he can go along to the airport or storeroom or hardware store or one of the myriad of places Brant goes in a day to shop. If I'm sick or loosing it with the kids, Brant can usually come right home and take over... sometimes I forget how great it is for our family that he is around so much.

- Being able to live here... I will confess that as we got ready to come over here the first time, (3 years ago today!!!) I was scared to death with this thought "Am I really going to be able to live in another country as a missionary?" I didn't know if I would be able to handle it... and yet here I am! :) There is a huge sense of accomplishment knowing that I can survive - and even thrive - here. Not taking credit though - God has given so much grace through a lot of really hard spots, and we have so many people praying for us and encouraging us - couldn't be here on my own, that's for sure.

- Seeing God's grace in so many real ways in my life... This is by far my favorite thing about the type of lifestyle we live... we have seen God work and provide for us and give grace in ways we never had before. Moving into another culture strips all your comforts and familiar routines - even going to the grocery store requires a lot of prayer some days! :) God has taken us through so much these past 3+ years and though we have had a lot of really rough spots, the lessons I've learned and the ways I have seen God work have been worth every tear. We have seen God provide financially, work circumstances out in ways we'd never imagine, give strength in really tough spots... just amazing stuff; and it has been very refining in the process. :)

Disappointed

We got a crummy email last night... from the MK school Elijah is enrolled in for kindergarten here in town. Due to a shortage of staff and visa issues, they are going to cut kinder from a half day program to just 3 hours a day. And due to financial issues, they are going to have to RAISE prices, despite the shortened program. MK schools in 3rd world countries don't have to follow logical courses of action like cutting prices if you cut a program....

Today I went in and talked with the principal. To make matters worse, the class is going to be an afternoon kinder... classes going from 12-3 pm. Elijah still has rest time every day... he still needs rest time every day. And, to compensate for the shortened program, they are cutting out all the "specials" - no classes like music, art, Indonesian, computer, library, etc etc.

I was so disappointed. One of the main reasons we were putting Elijah into school was the "extra" activities like computer and art... he would have loved those classes. I'm not as concerned about the academics - it's a very laid back academic atmosphere - they learn their ABCs and some basic reading, all of which Elijah has mastered already. So do I want to pay more to send my kid to a class where he'll "learn" his ABCs but not have any "fun" classes?

The other little issue is I am again teaching a class at the high school - from 11-12 each day. Now that we've moved a bit out of town, that would involve multiple, long trips to the school each day, which would involve carting the little kids around when they're supposed to be napping or serious re-arranging of Brant's already full schedule.

So today just praying for wisdom. Elijah was so excited about going to school. Brant's mom had already put together a package of fun school supplies and "treats" to take as snacks. We had ordered a "cool" backpack online and she was going to mail it to us... I wanted him to have a school experience... he will be so disappointed if he doesn't get to go.

What do we do?

Hurt

This morning at the international church I had a friend say something that really hurt my feelings. I had asked if we could get her son and Elijah together to play and she said no because she didn't want to have to deal with Elijah if he threw a fit. I was crushed partly because I know Elijah loves playing with her son, and partly because implied in the statement is that I'm a crummy mom and can't raise my kid right so that he can interact with other kids his own age.

Elijah does throw fits - we're not quite sure if he has a temper or just a really pronounced sense of right and wrong - we're leaning towards the second theory - if something in his little world is "wrong" he just screams and cries like the world is coming to an end. And yes, we realize he can't go through life like that, but at five, he's still learning to put his feelings into words and crying and screaming is the easiest default. We're working with him a ton, but it's going to be one of those long life lessons he's going to have to work through....

But where is the grace between friends that they acknowledge your (or your kids') weaknesses and accept you where you are? Last summer (a year ago!) her kids and Elijah were playing together and Elijah threw a horrible fit... she still references it... and on days like today I can't help but wonder if he will graduate from high school as "the kid who throws horrible fits" in her eyes.

My reaction today - other than crying all afternoon - is to just close up and shut her out and say "well, I guess we're not really friends" ...but is that the right reaction? First of all, we work together in the same mission - so we see each other a lot and have to work together. My other reactions range from saying "well, yeah, but your kid destroys everything in sight and every time he comes over to our house something gets broken - so ha, he's not perfect either!" to writing mean text messages saying "jerk" and other hurtful things that good missionaries are not supposed to say. :)

Probably what my friend meant to say is that Elijah is still a little too young and immature to handle play dates by himself - he still needs to have me around. Even though her son is the same age, he's the youngest of 4 and is used to playing with older kids; Elijah is the oldest and is used to having younger kids around.... I understand that.

Now granted, she didn't say that, and she probably didn't realize that her thoughtless comment would put me in tears all afternoon.

I am stopped with the thought that perhaps I have sent friends home in tears over some off-handed comment that I made at one point or another... comments that perhaps had a bit of truth behind them, but maybe didn't come across as I thought they would... or comments that I meant as innocent and yet were heard through a mother's heart that can be sensitive when we she struggles daily to raise her kids in a way that pleases the Lord.... I wonder how many people I have hurt like that unintentionally?

So I think my response to this whole situation is not to write off our friendship or yell at Elijah for always throwing fits, but to turn this hurt over to the Lord and to pray for my friend that she would learn grace... and that I would not be discouraged when Elijah throws his next fit, but patiently, prayerfully love him and point him to Jesus.

Hard job, being a mom. I can look around at other families and say "wow, those kids are great - that mom is doing a great job" and feel crummy about my own efforts.... but I could find other families and say "at least I'm doing a better job than she is" ....it's easy to do. So I think the main thing I want to get from all this is that I want to be very careful with my words and attitudes around other moms.... I pray that I would be an encouragement to them and build them up, trusting they are doing the best they can with the children (and their unique personalities!) that God gave them.

As I was leaving church today, another friend stopped me and said "Wow, your kids do so great being quiet in church - I wish mine were like that." Took a bit of the hurt away... but just a bit.

PS

In my other ramblings in my mind as of late, I have decided that I need to focus on the positives and ENJOY where God has us... I know it probably comes across in this blog that I am a really negative, struggling person but it's mainly because I use this blog to work out my thoughts and rants. :) But, in deciding to enjoy life and count my blessings (including the 3 little ones running around my house!) I have started a new blog.

3nakallittleboys.blogspot.com

This is a "safe" blog... meaning anyone can see it - so I don't care if you pass on the address to whomever; I keep it real, but positive. :) Also, while I use the boys' names, I try to be really careful not to mention anything real important - like our location or last name, etc. So please don't list the address in some public place with "These are our friends the Blythes in Indonesia" written next to it. :)

And I don't have the blogs linked... and I don't think there's any way to get from one to the other.... let me know if you see some loophole I've missed. Not wanting every grandmother and in-law to think I'm crazy reading this blog! :)

The bad missionary

I did a very bad thing tonight while Brant was gone packing chicken and getting ready for next week's flight. I got onto our friends' blog... and read it.

Our friends are missionaries in Papua New Guinea - just on the other side of the island from us. They recently moved into their tribal work up in the mountains and chronicle their adventures in language learning and developing relationships with their tribal people on their blog....

Problem is, about 8 months ago, these same friends asked us to join their work.... move across the island, change countries, learn a whole new language, adjust to a different culture and then begin working with them as they moved into their tribe. We spent a couple agonizing months praying, crunching numbers, talking with leadership and discussing team dynamics via Skype with our friends in PNG. When all was said and done, Brant and I felt before the Lord that He was giving us the choice - "Do you want to go join this team or stay in Indonesia?"

Obviously, we decided to stay. Lots of tears, but we made our decision and with it, decided we would not look back. We since have become the supply buyers and given up our chance to go into a tribal work for the foreseeable future. Most days we're okay with that and content with where the Lord has us... until I do something stupid like read our friends' blog on what our life could be like...

And then the doubts come again and my mind begins reeling with "What ifs" and "If onlys"

I have been doing this amazing, life changing, perspective altering Bible study (that I HIGHLY recommend, can you tell?) Calm My Anxious Heart, by Linda Dillow. The basic premise states that contentment comes from an acceptance of God's sovereignty and acknowledging that His ways are better than mine and that He is in control of EVERYTHING. Where I struggle is in accepting God's sovereignty over my decisions - like the choice not to move to PNG. He gave us that choice.... so I have a had time seeing His hand in that. Much easier to trust Him with things I have no control over - like our robbery our first year here - obviously that is God working, because I'm not... does that make sense?

Tonight I was listening to a Steven Curtis Chapman song... almost all of the spiritual struggles in my life have been captured by one or another of his songs... and the song he wrote after his daughter died hits home tonight...

This is not how it should be,

This is not how it could be,

But this is how it is,

And our God is in control.

This is not how it will be,

When we finally will see,

We'll see with our own eyes,

He was always in control.

This is not where we planned to be,

When we started this journey,

But this is where we are,

And our God is in control.

Though this first taste is bitter,

There will be sweetness forever,

When we finally taste and see,

That our God is in control.

Basically I need to come to the place where I trust that God was working - even in circumstances that seem like I had some part in shaping... ultimately I have trust that God made that decision and that this is where He wants us to be....

my trust is so weak...

is that a bad thing for a missionary to say?