Buying garlic and eating crow

Several years ago I read a fascinating book about a woman in Florida with a PhD who decided to do a social experiment and give up her high paying PhD job (whatever it was) and get a minimum wage job for a year and see what life was like for so many Americans. I remember her account of her first day on the job as a waitress at a diner... she had thought people would say "Wow, you're obviously over-skilled and way too smart for this job" but instead was humbled to learn that even low-paying jobs require a lot of skills, which she did not possess.

So, I haven't given up any high-paying, highly skilled occupation, but Brant and I have taken on a new job - being supply buyers. Today our first order was due at the airport to go into a tribal location early tomorrow morning. AH! We have spent the last few days running crazy trying to get all the items on the list, packed them all up and dropped them off at the airport right after lunch. Then we spent all afternoon running all over town trying to correct mistakes we had made and caught this afternoon.

My responsibility in the whole endeavor is to do "Pasar shopping." The Pasar is the open marketplace here - think a Farmer's Market then add in mazes of unfamiliar fruits and veggies, drunk guys hanging around, produce lined up on tarps on the ground, and spit and trash and stagnant water covering any un-tarped spot. Not my favorite place to go, despite the great bargains and exotic fresh spices and fruits. The first time I ever went to the Pasar here in Papua, a kid threw up on my feet.

On my list today was buying 15 pounds of onions, 10 pounds of garlic and 12 pounds of potatoes. You don't have to be good at math to know that I cannot physically carry all that. It took multiple trips to the car to haul all the veggies once I had found them. Finding them was also a challenge - not only did I have to locate the veggie on the list - I had to find a seller who was honest, had good quality produce and had sufficient stock of whatever I needed. It took hours and I was covered in dirt and grime by the time I was done.

So I was sitting relaxing this afternoon, congratulating myself on a job well done, when I noticed that instead of 5 pounds of oranges, I had accidentally written "garlic" on my list and walked out with 5 extra pounds of garlic - no oranges. So Brant, gracious husband that he is, went back to the Pasar and bought the forgotten oranges, took them down to the airport hanger and switched them out.

And this evening as we are exhausted and still not quite sure we did get the order right, we are humbly learning that something as simple as "supply buying" is not as simple as it sounds and it's going to take a lot of learning to get this job right.

PS

And about the rocking chair... a good friend of mine came over and convinced me it's not as awful as it looks. :) It would be more accurate to say it is just not my style rather than it's hideously ugly. :) So sorry if I came off whiny or ungrateful.

Brant is still going to try to stain when he can find the time (and the stain!)

Resolution and peace

Brant and I started the new year with several goals... we don't really make "New Year's Resolutions" but always line out some goals for the year. One of our goals was to make the most of this down time we have found ourselves in by spending large chunks of concentrated time in God's Word. Part of each morning I would watch the boys while he went next door (empty house) to read and pray and then we would switch and I would have time to just sit and read and pray and soak in the Bible.

It has been a wonderful time. I've been doing a Bible study by Linda Dillow called Calm My Anxious Heart. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Literally changed my outlook on life in the last few weeks. I thought the book was on fear - which as a mommy, I tend to have lots of fears. "What if one of the boys gets some horrible disease over here?" "What if Ezra chokes on one of the million Legos lying around?" etc, etc, etc.

But the book is really about contentment - a lesson I need to learn. Contentment with what I have and how I look, yes, but also deeper issues - learning to be content with what the Lord is doing in my life - what He's allowing me to go through and ways that He has orchestrated my circumstances - am I content and at peace with how He is working?

It kinda goes back to the alcohol post.... my perspective on life is flawed... like I am drunk. When I view my life from my perspective, I am discontent and anxious and try to manipulate people and circumstances so that my life is how I think it should be. When my perspective is lined up with God's and I recognize that only He sees all the details and the big picture clearly, then I can rest in whatever circumstances I am in - knowing that He is in control.

Been a very, very good lesson for me to learn.

And the issue of "What are we doing here?" is getting resolved... quickly, quietly, simply. We now have a "job." Leadership has asked a family here in town to go home for a time to work on some family issues they are having. They have been serving as the supply buyer, so leadership has asked us to take their place. The timing is perfect - we are committed until August in this assignment and then a new family that we are potentially going to partner with are coming in September, so we could partner with them then and open a new tribal work.

We are excited about the supply buying. Some aspects are incredibly complicated and mind-boggling to try to figure out as we start, but overall, we feel like it will be a really good fit for our personalities and gifts. Basically, we will be buying whatever a missionary in the tribe needs... be that toilet paper or apples or rice... or plane tickets or a new computer or birthday presents for their kids. Basic necessities are flown in quarterly to different tribal locations - so we do all the grocery shopping in huge quantities. Special requests come up often. (Like one we got today "Help, my MP3 player broke and I can't record my language sessions" or one last week "Can you call the manufacturer in the States for this new freezer that's not working")

We officially take over next week and lots to learn and do before then. One thing I am praying is that we will be able to schedule our time and millions of shopping trips so we can still get our Bible study time in. I am learning peace doesn't come from having a clear ministry description or fulfilling job - it comes from time aligning my thoughts with the Lord's.

The rocking chair, part 2

The other news to start the new year is that my rocking chair is finished! The gentleman who has been building it for me called Brant yesterday to tell him to come pick it up. We were so excited!

Brant loaded the beautiful loaner rocking chair into the car and came back an hour later with the new rocking chair... my own chair.

Now, I should stop and say right now that I was never involved in the making of this new chair. Brant went over several times to talk with the man and check on its progress, but I never did - I think we thought it would be a great surprise if I only saw the finished product. Not sure why we thought that was a great idea....

The rocking chair is ugly. Hideously, hideously ugly. I am almost crying as I write this and I feel like such a jerk. Kind, nice grandfather type offers to build me my own rocking chair and spends months working on it and all I can say is it's ugly... I really am an ungrateful jerk.

I loved the first chair he built. It was a classic, dark, hard wood with straight lines. A few months ago Brant did mention that he wouldn't be able to use the same wood as he didn't have enough dry to build a chair. My thought at the time was to me, a tree is a tree, so who cares what type of wood is used?

But, ah ha - we are in Papua, the end of the world, and the land of exotic and weird stuff. The chair Brant brought in yesterday was bright RED. Dark burnt orange-brick would probably be a more correct term, though the little boys' toy fire trucks do actually match pretty good. At first I thought he has just made a mistake staining it, then come to find out the chair isn't stained at all - it's the real color of the wood. Who knew there were such ugly trees out there? :)

And it's not straight - I love straight lines on rocking chairs - not frilly, curving, carved things. But it's curvy and carved... he was trying something new.

Needless to say it was kinda a crummy day. I was trying to hard to like the chair - and I AM thankful for it - it rocks nicely and is well built. I really appreciate his effort and total selflessness in building it for me. But I don't like it. :(

The whole chair episode led to a rough evening for me and Brant. It occurred to me that we have dated or been married for almost 13 years and he did not know my tastes well enough to know all those months of checking in on the rocking chair that it wasn't exactly the type of rocker I was dreaming about. I know it's not a conversation most couples have "What's your dream rocking chair look like?" but my whole personality doesn't exactly scream "I love frilly, odd, glossy-looking orange things" :)

Anyways, not going to take the time to post a picture of the new rocking chair. :( We might try sanding it down and staining it, though I'm not quite sure we can cover the red. Brant offered black spray paint. :) Will see. :)

Needing some rum...

So, starting the new year out with a bang, I will bring up the subject of alcohol. Very touchy subject, I know; especially as a missionary who is supposed to be a good example, role model, etc, etc, etc. Also particularly touchy subject here in Papua as there are members of the "other religion" who are very opposed to alcohol and the "Christians" here believe that anyone who ever drinks alcohol could never go to heaven. Between the two groups, it is impossible to find any type of alcoholic beverage in any store on the island.

New subject (they will tie together in a minute) : Brant and I made an agreement that during the holidays we would not talk about our next ministry assignment or stress about it at all. We would just enjoy the holidays and take a break and kinda regroup from a crazy year. The holidays are now over. Friday night I was sitting reading my Bible and praying about "What are we going to do next?" and I just got so incredibly angry all over again about our situation. (Wow, talking about alcohol and anger in the same blog - you now know I am not the perfect missionary!) :)

( It's not necessary to go into all the details of our situation but suffice it to say, our plans got pretty messed up last year. There was some sin issues involved and some lack of communication on our mission leadership's part and we are stuck here for the time being without a clear purpose and direction. I have really struggled with God's sovereignty in all this - did His plans get messed up or was that His plan all along or how do people's actions affect my life and His plans for my life? Not going to go into all that now... we were hurt by some other people and it's hard to trust that God is working in that situation. At times I get so angry about it all, but I have learned a lot about God's sovereignty and trusting Him through the whole situation. )

So there I was a couple nights ago, getting angry all over again and just praying that the Lord would give me peace and patience and help me forgive and not be bitter and angry. As we were getting ready for bed, I told Brant that I was upset again about the whole mess and we started talking... no use trying to go to bed angry about it again. I don't really remember all he said, except there was an off-handed remark about how "we see through a mirror dimly."

Immediately the Lord brought to mind an essay I read during our first year on the field about the Jewish holiday Purim. Quick Jewish culture and history lesson - Purim is the holiday celebrating the Jews' deliverance from Haman in the book of Esther. I love the book of Esther and have read it MANY times in the last year as it is such a clear picture of how God controls every minute aspect of peoples' lives - their whims, their dreams, their ability to sleep at night. :) The Jews still celebrate Purim today, and the orthodox have developed the tradition of getting drunk on Purim. The tradition is they are to drink until they can no longer say "Haman is evil and Mordecai is good" ...the thinking behind the practice is that during the time of Esther, the Jews lived with a lot of uncertainty. They did not know how the story was going to turn out and though God was working, they could not see it. Basically, their senses of what was happening failed them - they could not see with their eyes what God was doing. So today they get drunk to remind themselves that their senses are fallible - that though they think they walk through life with the ability to see, to hear, to reason - in reality, these sensations are blurry because they only see such a small part of what God is really doing.

I love the analogy. Though I have never been drunk before, I have overdosed on malaria medication once (total accident when we first got here!) and I was so sick I could not see straight - or walk straight. Now that I am fine, I assume that what I see around me - the offending people, the pointless circumstances - I assume these things are real and that my eyes see accurately. But in reality I see through a glass dimly - I see as a drunk person - for only God sees the whole picture and only He knows all the details He is working together to bring about the end of the story He has already written.

I just pulled out my nifty new 2010 calendar (thanks, Mom! can't buy them here) :) Purim is celebrated February 27 this year. I would love to get a bottle of rum or red wine or something to just have a little drink of alcohol on that day - not planning on going all out like the Jews :) but just want to remind myself again that God is in control and I need to trust His sight while my own is failing.

Life lately

I really hate it when people who have blogs never update them... :)

I wish I could say it's because life has been so calm and there's nothing to write about - ha! - but the truth is we have had so much mental stress going on lately it's been really hard to sit down and pretend nothing is wrong... and I don't really feel ready to write it all out - still a lot to process and trying to work through some issues before the Lord and don't necessarily want to spit them all over my blog. :) Basically we're still working through our ministry options here and what our short term plans are going to be, so you can pray about it for us but I won't say much more than that about it now.

I think it's because I've had so much on my mind lately I have had a hard time focusing and making decisions regarding Christmas plans... stupid stuff like "What are we going to eat on Christmas Eve for dinner?" You have to be really creative here with stuff like that as"traditional" stuff is not readily available.

I've also been having a hard time getting Christmas cards and seeing my friends' Christmas photos on Facebook and missing home and "normal" life. Do you know there are people in life who just live? Sometimes it sounds so nice to just have kids and enjoy them and write Christmas letters about where you went on vacation this past year and what birthday party theme your 5 year old had and how your husband loves his job and just got a raise. :)

I know, I know, life in America is not always as pretty and easy as I remember it to be. :) But I'm blogging here, not trying to be real factual. :)

So, I've been watching my kids the past few days and am realizing that just because we live here and face some unique challenges doesn't mean I can't enjoy having little kids and laugh at their craziness and relish the few short days when they're young and silly. It doesn't matter that our kids opened their Christmas presents on Christmas morning wearing shorts and no shirts because they were sweating because the electricity was off (It has gone off at least once EVERY day for the past 3 weeks). They still had a ball with their stockings and new presents and were so excited it was fun to watch. We had a great time even though it wasn't cold outside and they weren't wearing cute Christmas pajamas just like all my other friends' kids.

So I've been thinking about things I enjoy about my kids...

Elijah, at 5, is so full of wonder at the world. He asks fifty million questions a day (not an exaggeration in the slightest) and talks non-stop, so sometimes it gets on my nerves but I love how inquisitive he is and how he is always trying to figure his little world out. I also love how he is starting to ask so many questions about God and loves to read Bible stories with us.

Caleb just turned 3 at Thanksgiving and is a riot! He has brown eyes (as my parents point out, the only descendant of theirs without blue eyes) and I love his eyes! They are so mischievous and he is always making up songs and playing 3 year old jokes - which, being not funny at all, are hilarious. He is convinced he cannot see me if I don't have my glasses on, which he calls my "sunglasses" and since he always wakes up before 6, he usually brings me my "sunglasses" to come wake me up. :)

Ezra celebrates 11 months today. He is my joy - he cannot talk back or whine. He is fat and squishy and cuddly and he hangs on my arm like a koala bear. He's just starting to get shy so if we're out in public (where he always gets tons of pinches and little Indonesian grandmas patting him) he tightens his grip on my arm and buries his face in my chest. He's such the easiest baby and I LOVE his red hair...

Anyways, on Christmas Eve we ended up eating mac-n-cheese out of a box (great treat from America) I had had this great plan that we would make homemade pizza and each decorate our own, but I spent all Christmas Eve day baking for Christmas Day, so was totally exhausted and didn't want to make pizza dough that night. :) I did make egg nog for the first time ever though.... really easy and way better than the box stuff that I had always bought for Brant in the States (he loves it; I'm not a huge fan) and I made gingerbread - but it was a box mix Brant's mom had sent from Trader Joe's. SO good!

Other really encouraging thing was today we went to the beach with some friends who are out of their tribe for a break. It was beautiful - like the kind of exotic tropical beach people pay big bucks to vacation at. There are a few perks to living here. :)

I tried to post a few pics... it takes forever to upload pics with our internet connection. I bought Brant series 5 of "House" on iTunes for Christmas... SEVEN HOURS to download ONE episode!

Us at the beach :)

Elijah with a starfish - still alive. They have all different colors - kinda like at SeaWorld except for real. :)

Ezra all done taking pictures! I love his face.

My 3 sweet boys in their matching Christmas shirts (taken before Ezra was all done) :)

The rocking chair

I was in the middle of writing out some really heavy thoughts... life has been a bit crazy and lots of stuff to think about and process lately. Anyways, I was trying to write it all out and then Ezra woke up and needed to be fed. I sat in fed him and then rocked him and played with him - his favorite game of late is laying out on my knees and looking at the world upside down as I rock him. Amazing how much kids can be mood lifters. (Or drive you to insanity as my two older ones are refusing to go to sleep now!)

As I was sitting there rocking him, I was praising the Lord again for my rocking chair. I had an old rocking chair when Elijah was a baby - Brant pulled it out of a trash pile and fixed it up some and I loved it and was hooked on having a rocking chair. Not one of those modern glider type things... I like the feel of rocking and the look of a classic rocking chair.

Anyways, with all the moving we have done, the beater rocking chair did not make it on the "must pack" list when we moved to Indonesia. Ever since I have tried to get a rocking chair over here - tried buying one in Java (hideously ugly... I'm talking really, really ugly dragons and crowns carved all over this enormous chair) We tried to get one of those Cracker Barrel rocking chairs in a box to ship over when we were back in the States last fall... $450 - to SHIP the stupid thing over here (that was the cheapest rate we found) And while we seriously contemplated paying that - we figured paying $125 for a rocking chair and then 3 times as much to ship it would be outrageous.

So this summer while Brant was stuck in the tribe, I was bored one night and got the great idea to post on the missionary community website that I was looking for a rocking chair - did anyone have one to sell or know of a local woodworker who could make one? I got several responses from people who had had them made locally (common here to have furniture built - really cheap and lots of woodworkers around) We began the hunt from house to house looking at people's rocking chairs to see if we could find one we liked so we could hire the same woodworker. It was a bit like Goldilocks - some too big, some too fancy...

We had gotten one email from a gentleman willing to loan us his rocking chair... I wasn't real keen on the idea of borrowing a chair (especially with little boys in the house!) and I really wanted to own my own chair, but he kept calling and saying "When are you going to come pick it up?" We explained that we really wanted to have our own to which he replied "You can borrow it as long as you like" ...which is still not the same as owning it. But to make him happy, (and keep him from calling!) we agreed to come pick it up...

When we got to his house, his wife met us and showed us the rocking chair... it was gorgeous. It looked like a classic Amish rocking chair - beautiful wood and perfect in every way a rocking chair should be. :) (I'll take a picture and post it!) But then the kicker... her husband had made it - woodworking was his hobby since childhood and he loved to do projects! He had loaned it to several young moms in the community over the years and didn't have a problem letting us use it as well. So we loaded the beautiful rocking chair in the car, excited to call it ours even if only for a short time.

Then... he called us and said "I just finished my latest project and am looking for a new project to do... would you like me to make you your own rocking chair?" I almost started crying... let me see... would I like my own custom made beautiful Amish style rocking chair?

So long story, he is building my rocking chair right now! It's supposed to be done soon... maybe next week. I will post pictures - you will probably hear me crying in excitement even from wherever you are. :)

So tonight as I was rocking in Ezra and kinda discouraged, I remembered how God is so into details and how He provided a rocking chair so my little boy could lean back and look at the world in new ways. I am so thankful we serve a God Who cares so much for us.