Needing some rum...

So, starting the new year out with a bang, I will bring up the subject of alcohol. Very touchy subject, I know; especially as a missionary who is supposed to be a good example, role model, etc, etc, etc. Also particularly touchy subject here in Papua as there are members of the "other religion" who are very opposed to alcohol and the "Christians" here believe that anyone who ever drinks alcohol could never go to heaven. Between the two groups, it is impossible to find any type of alcoholic beverage in any store on the island.

New subject (they will tie together in a minute) : Brant and I made an agreement that during the holidays we would not talk about our next ministry assignment or stress about it at all. We would just enjoy the holidays and take a break and kinda regroup from a crazy year. The holidays are now over. Friday night I was sitting reading my Bible and praying about "What are we going to do next?" and I just got so incredibly angry all over again about our situation. (Wow, talking about alcohol and anger in the same blog - you now know I am not the perfect missionary!) :)

( It's not necessary to go into all the details of our situation but suffice it to say, our plans got pretty messed up last year. There was some sin issues involved and some lack of communication on our mission leadership's part and we are stuck here for the time being without a clear purpose and direction. I have really struggled with God's sovereignty in all this - did His plans get messed up or was that His plan all along or how do people's actions affect my life and His plans for my life? Not going to go into all that now... we were hurt by some other people and it's hard to trust that God is working in that situation. At times I get so angry about it all, but I have learned a lot about God's sovereignty and trusting Him through the whole situation. )

So there I was a couple nights ago, getting angry all over again and just praying that the Lord would give me peace and patience and help me forgive and not be bitter and angry. As we were getting ready for bed, I told Brant that I was upset again about the whole mess and we started talking... no use trying to go to bed angry about it again. I don't really remember all he said, except there was an off-handed remark about how "we see through a mirror dimly."

Immediately the Lord brought to mind an essay I read during our first year on the field about the Jewish holiday Purim. Quick Jewish culture and history lesson - Purim is the holiday celebrating the Jews' deliverance from Haman in the book of Esther. I love the book of Esther and have read it MANY times in the last year as it is such a clear picture of how God controls every minute aspect of peoples' lives - their whims, their dreams, their ability to sleep at night. :) The Jews still celebrate Purim today, and the orthodox have developed the tradition of getting drunk on Purim. The tradition is they are to drink until they can no longer say "Haman is evil and Mordecai is good" ...the thinking behind the practice is that during the time of Esther, the Jews lived with a lot of uncertainty. They did not know how the story was going to turn out and though God was working, they could not see it. Basically, their senses of what was happening failed them - they could not see with their eyes what God was doing. So today they get drunk to remind themselves that their senses are fallible - that though they think they walk through life with the ability to see, to hear, to reason - in reality, these sensations are blurry because they only see such a small part of what God is really doing.

I love the analogy. Though I have never been drunk before, I have overdosed on malaria medication once (total accident when we first got here!) and I was so sick I could not see straight - or walk straight. Now that I am fine, I assume that what I see around me - the offending people, the pointless circumstances - I assume these things are real and that my eyes see accurately. But in reality I see through a glass dimly - I see as a drunk person - for only God sees the whole picture and only He knows all the details He is working together to bring about the end of the story He has already written.

I just pulled out my nifty new 2010 calendar (thanks, Mom! can't buy them here) :) Purim is celebrated February 27 this year. I would love to get a bottle of rum or red wine or something to just have a little drink of alcohol on that day - not planning on going all out like the Jews :) but just want to remind myself again that God is in control and I need to trust His sight while my own is failing.