Resolution and peace

Brant and I started the new year with several goals... we don't really make "New Year's Resolutions" but always line out some goals for the year. One of our goals was to make the most of this down time we have found ourselves in by spending large chunks of concentrated time in God's Word. Part of each morning I would watch the boys while he went next door (empty house) to read and pray and then we would switch and I would have time to just sit and read and pray and soak in the Bible.

It has been a wonderful time. I've been doing a Bible study by Linda Dillow called Calm My Anxious Heart. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. Literally changed my outlook on life in the last few weeks. I thought the book was on fear - which as a mommy, I tend to have lots of fears. "What if one of the boys gets some horrible disease over here?" "What if Ezra chokes on one of the million Legos lying around?" etc, etc, etc.

But the book is really about contentment - a lesson I need to learn. Contentment with what I have and how I look, yes, but also deeper issues - learning to be content with what the Lord is doing in my life - what He's allowing me to go through and ways that He has orchestrated my circumstances - am I content and at peace with how He is working?

It kinda goes back to the alcohol post.... my perspective on life is flawed... like I am drunk. When I view my life from my perspective, I am discontent and anxious and try to manipulate people and circumstances so that my life is how I think it should be. When my perspective is lined up with God's and I recognize that only He sees all the details and the big picture clearly, then I can rest in whatever circumstances I am in - knowing that He is in control.

Been a very, very good lesson for me to learn.

And the issue of "What are we doing here?" is getting resolved... quickly, quietly, simply. We now have a "job." Leadership has asked a family here in town to go home for a time to work on some family issues they are having. They have been serving as the supply buyer, so leadership has asked us to take their place. The timing is perfect - we are committed until August in this assignment and then a new family that we are potentially going to partner with are coming in September, so we could partner with them then and open a new tribal work.

We are excited about the supply buying. Some aspects are incredibly complicated and mind-boggling to try to figure out as we start, but overall, we feel like it will be a really good fit for our personalities and gifts. Basically, we will be buying whatever a missionary in the tribe needs... be that toilet paper or apples or rice... or plane tickets or a new computer or birthday presents for their kids. Basic necessities are flown in quarterly to different tribal locations - so we do all the grocery shopping in huge quantities. Special requests come up often. (Like one we got today "Help, my MP3 player broke and I can't record my language sessions" or one last week "Can you call the manufacturer in the States for this new freezer that's not working")

We officially take over next week and lots to learn and do before then. One thing I am praying is that we will be able to schedule our time and millions of shopping trips so we can still get our Bible study time in. I am learning peace doesn't come from having a clear ministry description or fulfilling job - it comes from time aligning my thoughts with the Lord's.